I read today that a traumatised nervous system needs safety and regulation . Doesn’t need to be pressured into remembering trauma. It’s enough that our nervous system remembers. And it needs that safety that probably it wasn’t received when need it. Unconsciously we search for experiences that turn us back to those repressed emotions and hoping that now someone will give us that safety needed in the past. In Gestalt therapy this is called unfinished business.
So how can you help someone who is depressed, or anxious, furious, sad , but you are not a therapist ? (and you don’t need to be. Also, you don’t need to send all your friends to therapy. They know when they are prepared for it.) . The answer is to be there. Be present, listen, you don’t need to be the hero who saves the day. You just need to be pshysically available, or emotionally , spiritually , or all of them, or just you, as you are able to be in that moment. It’s so beautiful when you feel that you just need to be there for the other one, without the need to do more than you are able to do.
Nowadays, the main focus is mental health. Paradoxically, depression and anxiety increased globally with 25% in the las 4 years. Besides the scientifically proven factors, there is pressure: pressure from social media with a terrific focus on “how can improve your life” , “be responsible for your choices”, or “what does a toxic relationship mean” or “10 ways to regulate …. something inside you” , or my favourite : “install an app for staying less on social media” . It’s like in ‘00s when everybody had started to straighten up their hair and it was impossible to get out from the house otherwise ( I’m still not getting out from the house otherwise:) ) .
But this is not fashion, it’s us, human beings . And we have started to put a lot of pressure on us, specifically on our mental health: “how it’s better” ; “why am I feeling like this?” , “what’s wrong with me?”, “why is she/he behaving like this?”.
Well, because all of us we have a history. We have our individual history, our family history and our society history. And our nervous system remembers.
One of our lessons learned as therapists is that we just need to contain our clients. Yes, we study, we have learned different theories, but most of all , we have learned to be there. And I’m so grateful for all experiences from the last months which lead me to remember this. Because even therapists get lost sometimes. And we need someone to be there for us.
So be gentle with yourself by being there. It’s healing for everyone.
